All the Creatures Were Stirring (2018)

directed by David Ian McKendry and Rebekah McKendry
USA
80 minutes
3.5 stars out of 5
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Reviews lead me to believe that this movie was going to be totally abysmal, but I watched it anyway because I need to watch more Christmas horror movies to make me feel The Spirit due to a lack of snow outside. Turns out this movie is great and some people don't know how to have fun. I'm not going to bother reviewing the individual segments because they were all pretty good, the only one I wasn't fond of was the weird one with a vengeful deer (?) that I may or may not have fallen asleep during.

One of the issues a few people seem to have with this is the wrap-around story. The whole deal is that each segment is introduced by three actors performing an artsy, almost-mime routine, which is being watched by a couple on a date. Each segment starts out performed onstage, and then segues into a properly filmed short with real actors and sets, et cetera. People seemed to take issue with the fact that, in-universe, the couple is shown commenting on how bad the segments are and how little sense they make, but the couple isn't seeing what we see, they see the people doing their art-house routine. They're not commenting on the same shorts the real-life audience is watching.

This could totally be one of those cases where I can't tell that a film is bad because I myself have bad taste, but I found All the Creatures Were Stirring to be not only super fun but well-made. Everybody in it is apparently involved in the horror community somehow, from having positions within magazines to hosting podcasts, and you can definitely tell that these are people who are familiar with the genre and know how to turn a restrictive budget into something authentic and entertaining. Constance Wu is also in it, and if you're like me, you may be a little resentful that you have to wait until the very last segment for her to show up.

I really appreciated the novelty of this whole film, it's not like a lot of holiday-themed anthologies where nobody who contributes to the film seems to have any ideas beyond "somebody dresses up like Santa and kills people". The things that happen in All the Creatures, both within the segments and in the wrap-around, are strange, inexplicable occurrences, not simple slashings and boring hauntings. They range from clingy demons to festive aliens to secret vampires (??) to Groundhog Day with ghouls. Everybody is entitled to their opinion and all, but I really can't overstate just how awful these reviews were. I feel like I watched a completely different film, one that I'm happy I took a chance on.