The Revenge of Dr. X (1967)

directed by Norman Thomson

USA, Japan

94 minutes

1 star out of 5

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I watched a video where some people watched (and made fun of) this movie and its badness compelled me. 94 minutes seemed like an eternity to sit through something that I knew from the jump would be awful, so to make it easier on myself, I decided early on that I would fast-forward through all the pointless scenes of people driving. Even with the running time shortened by doing that, let me tell you, I barely made it through this thing.

The plot - insofar as there is one - concerns an inexplicably cranky scientist whose concerned coworker gently suggests that he should go to Japan on vacation because being so cranky all the time may be bad for his health. While in Japan, the scientist, Dr. Bragan (there is no Dr. X in this movie - the film was found in a warehouse and the wrong opening credits were slapped onto it), begins research and experimentation towards his ultimate goal of creating a plant-human hybrid. Midway through the film he indeed reaches this goal, but the resulting creature of course has a thirst for blood, consuming many small animals and becoming generally unruly. However, Bragan refuses to destroy his creation, insisting on its miraculous nature as a brand-new life form and his own genius.

We're introduced to Dr. Bragan by seeing him visibly agitated about seemingly nothing at all and we never get any explanation about this - I wasn't sure if I was supposed to read him as some kind of tortured genius, clashing with polite society because of his radical ideas, or if he was being written from the beginning as just a flat-out mad scientist. James Craig's portrayal of the character is so all over the place that you can't get a feel for the character's "baseline".

This movie is just baffling to me. Everything about it. I don't understand how it got made. The state that it survives in today befits it - a god-awful pan-and-scan with so much visual noise that it looks like you're holding two magnets on either side of whatever device you're watching it on - but even if it were restored to something approaching HD, its air of stale faux exotica and faint smell of alcohol would remain. This is really one of the most unapologetically bad movies I've ever seen, and it's not even the kind of bad that is made palatable because you can tell the cast and crew were having fun. This is a movie that feels like nobody wanted to be in it. Exception made for Atsuko Rome, who barely kept this watchable and does seem to have enjoyed her time in the film. (I did an actual double-take when I read that Ryō Ikebe came to a party for the premiere of the film. That is honestly kind of insane.)

The reason why people like me are interested in this at all is because Toei (may have?) distributed it in Japan, where it was titled Akuma no niwa, "The Devil's Garden", a much more compelling and accurate title than any of the English ones it has gone by over the years. However, I was under the impression that the effects were also done by a Japanese crew a la Green Slime or something like that. While part of the film was shot in Japan with some Japanese cast members, I have no evidence that the monster suit itself was technically tokusatsu. It could have been, but I can't prove that it was. It sure does look like a really bad Kamen Rider kaizo ningen-of-the-week, though.

Reading Rome's interview makes me more inclined to be gentle towards this film, given the details of production that she remembers. She says: "I think this group production was more like a hobby. I don’t know the detail of things like that. But that was a group of people working for government, retired people from the U.S. military. Those people, I think, invested in it. Then they invited James Craig as the main person from the U.S." It would make a lot of sense if this movie was made by a bunch of non-professionals in a short period of time on funding from the U.S. military. That is certainly what it feels like. Rome is also asked who was in the monster suit and says that she didn't know but assumed it was a Japanese actor, bringing this perilously close to being tokusatsu after all.

Everything about Revenge of Dr. X screams "made by people who have seen a few movies and want to try making one". I love the absolutely pointless horror movie music whenever the hunchbacked assistant is on-screen - it means nothing, alludes to nothing, the assistant has nothing at all to do with the plot, the filmmakers just thought "well, we have to have horror movie music for this cliche hunchbacked assistant". I flip-flopped between being endeared by this movie and being genuinely almost bored to tears by it, but ultimately I think this is "so bad it's bad", not "so bad it's good".